Bludgeon Me with a Pineapple Express

Throughout history there have been plenty of terrible action movies and plenty of terrible stoner comedies. These two genres share similarities in that they are both loaded with unrealistic characters, undeveloped stories, and idiotic dialogue. Leave it up then, to Seth Rogen, to combine these two awful genres to create The Pineapple Express. To describe this film, which Rogen co-wrote and stars in, as “super bad” would be a gross understatement; The Pinapple Express is why people get brain tumors. Featuring possibly the most infantile humor ever put on screen, which is unsurprising considering that Rogen has the intelligence of a deformed baby mole rat, The Pineapple Express consistently devolves into nonsensical conversations, irrelevant dance breaks, and the worst action scene in history. It would take a lot of drugs to make this movie bearable, although a shot of cyanide would be easier and less painful.

They're driving off a cliff so they don't have to watch this movie.

Consisting of puerile comedy that elicits zero laughs, moronic characters, and a plethora of offensive Asian stereotypes, there is absolutely nothing good about The Pineapple Express. None of the characters are remotely sympathetic, as they are all so intensely stupid that you want to carve their heads open with a chainsaw to see if there is anything inside. James Franco’s “acting” is more like twitching, squeaking, and screaming, but fortunately, his disgusting teeth are able to distract from his terrible performance. Judd Apatow has reached a new level of unoriginality in the film’s he produces, to go along with his ever expanding ubiquity. Obviously Seth Rogen got so stoned that he threw up onto a piece of paper, gave it to Apatow, and another shitty stoner comedy was born. Simply put, I would rather be sodomized by a pineapple than ever have to watch this movie again.