Christopher Nolan clearly wants to give himself a big pat on the back, as in his mind he is the cleverest little shit in the world. In response, I would like to give Mr. Nolan a big punch in the testicles as a way of sending him a message: if you take a shitty movie, and you make the entire thing go backwards, you don’t get a good movie. Never have I been more jealous of a mentally disabled person than I am of Leonard Shelby, who suffers from extreme short term memory loss. I am almost willing to carve open my skull with a hacksaw and start removing parts of my brain in hopes of forgetting that I ever saw Memento, possibly the stupidest movie ever made. Of course, if I had a hacksaw, I would be slowly torturing Christopher Nolan and everyone else who had a part in the creation of this terrible film.
- He needs a tattoo that says “Don’t Make Shitty Movies!”
I will, however, give Nolan credit for one thing: having the courage to cast an actual mentally disabled person as the main character. Guy Pearce’s blank stare, which he wears almost the entire movie, is hypnotic, while simultaneously making me want to punch him in the face to see if he’ll notice. As for his two bumbling sidekicks? Carrie-Anne Moss clearly considers acting to be the transition between two facial expressions: glowering and smirking, while Joe Pantaliano contentedly grins like an idiot throughout the film, a wise choice considering that his character, like everything about this script, is idiotic. Making a movie backwards doesn’t hide the fact that most of your story is your main character talking on a phone, not actually doing anything, and doesn’t make it any easier to ignore the plot craters that riddle your script like machine gun fire. Maybe if somebody turned the machine gun around so it was facing Nolan, nobody would have ever needed to watch the most nonsensical film in history, and everyone would have had a lot more fun beating Christopher Nolan’s corpse with sticks. Now that’s something I’d want to watch.
July 25, 2008 at 12:13 pm |
Tom, what throws me off is that … well, you’ve attacked movies that clearly deserve it (Sex and the Shitty, easier pun than Kim Catrall, I know) and those that I’m sure you’re being sarcastic or otherwise untrue about (TDK, Memento, Brokeback).
Either just badmouth shite movies or just badmouth great movies.
Doing both gives me a headache.
July 26, 2008 at 7:49 am |
KEEP ON TRUCKIN’ TOM
July 27, 2008 at 6:55 am |
I think what Henry does not understand is all these movies ARE SHITTY. I thought Momento was a comedy (especially when he starts punching that lady from the Matrix)! And the Dark Knight? Going six flags ride for 2 1/2 hours would have induced less vomiting.
August 13, 2008 at 4:36 pm |
I’d assume Tom just watches whatever movie is showing locally, or is relevent to something else (such as his three darkknight tributes) and shit pans them as is his want, skill, hobby and calling. Here here. It doesn’t matter if the movies are actually shitty or not. To Tom, they are all shitty. Its all very I Ching.
October 12, 2008 at 10:23 pm |
its minor details, that make a movie great.
if you don’t like movies in general then shut the fuck up and stop writing about movies.
April 10, 2009 at 10:22 am |
I agree with the first comment. Either badmouth bad movies or don’t at all because people taking you seriously as a critic depends on it. This movie is actually pretty creative and tugs at your emotional side pretty well. Do movies actually piss you off that much? Christ man.