Considering that nobody has cared about ABBA in almost three decades, the idea that anybody would want to make a movie as an excuse to listen to their music is mystifying. However, as Mamma Mia! continued, I was less filled less with confusion and more with the urge to claw out my eyes. To call Mamma Mia! a bad movie does not begin to describe the hellish experience of watching people randomly breaking out into crappy 70s pop music. Actively avoiding plot and character development, Mamma Mia! fails on every level, wallowing in stupidity and featuring brainless characters, mindless dialogue, and nauseating cinematography. Anybody who tells you that setting a building on fire should be illegal has never been in a theater while watching this movie.
Meryl Streep uncontrollably vomiting after watching her own movie.
Somebody must have incriminating photos of Meryl Streep to blackmail her to be in this movie, but the effort was wasted. Her face looks like it’s about to fall off, she sings like a dying goat, and she was obviously improperly mixing tequila and valium during filming. Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, and Stellen Skarsgard were likely kidnapped drugged, and dropped on a deserted island, completely unaware that they were being filmed at all. As for budding star Amanda Seyfried, well, if you can get past the fact that her eyes take up three quarters of the screen, you might realize that she is actually in a coma, and is controlled by a complex series of wires the entire movie. But beyond the incompetent acting, I was infused with the urge to kill every time random Greek peasants broke out into song. Every character is detestable, and I was disappointed every time I saw one of the many cliffs on the Greek island with nobody hurling themselves from it. If I had been forced to sit through one more of Pierce Brosnan’s throaty, eardrum ripping ballads, I would have been looking for a cliff myself.
Posted by Tom Houseman 