“Holy Shit!” will be your initial reaction for about thirty seconds of Wanted, the most insulting crapfest to grace screens in some time. Yeah, curving bullets are awesome, nobody can deny that, but the idea of making an entire movie off of one cool special effect is moronic. Of course, that would be true even if the movie didn’t have the most idiotic plot conceit ever devised, loaded with terrible dialogue spouted by vapid actors. A fine screenplay were it written by drunken seven year-olds, a writer with any self-respect would be embarrassed to have their name in the credits of this movie If I could curve bullets, I would shoot off the testicles of every writer of this junk so that they can experience a portion of the agony that I went through watching their retarded brainchild.
Me running down the cast of Wanted, none of whom deserve to live.
Is there a more ludicrous plot device in history than a magical weaving loom that tells you who to kill? I can’t think of one. How about the idea that high blood pressure gives you super powers? A schmorgasboard of idiocy congeals before your very eyes in Wanted, probably giving you brain tumors. James Macavoy is as convincing a badass hitman as Bambi would be, except far more bland. Angelina Jolie drags her freakishly large lips from scene to scene, trying to keep up with the absurd plot, but it’s clear she had no idea what the hell was going on. Can you blame her? As for Morgan Freeman, well it’s quite possible that he died during filming, I mean in the middle of a scene, and nobody noticed. Wanted exults in its mockery of logic and common sense, possibly even expecting the audience to enjoy being laughed at for two hours as nonsensical action scenes crawl past them. If there were a loom of fate, I can only assume that whoever decided to make this movie would be strapped to it, their insides being devoured by rabid hamsters. Anything less would not be a fitting punishment for unleashing Wanted on the world.
Posted by Tom Houseman 